


The Healer (Or whatever floats your boat)

by DelinkersWithFire



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Divergent Timelines, F/F, F/M, Horror, Major Character Injury, Medical, Multi, Other, Plot Twists, Romance, Sexual Humor, Some Humor, Suspense, Undercover, Undercover Missions, itasaku - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-11-02
Packaged: 2018-05-17 14:19:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 8,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5873794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DelinkersWithFire/pseuds/DelinkersWithFire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When sakura is sent deep into the mountains to study under a sacred herbalist, stuff gets...weird. (Maybe even sexual?)<br/>Hot springs and nudity and maybe other stuff included.<br/>DEEPLY REVISED 7/6/16<br/>OFFICIALLY ABANDONED CHECK LAST CHAPTER FOR ENDING AND INFO</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In the fields

**Author's Note:**

> Had a dream and felt it would have been neat to write down.  
> I would like to make it clear that while this is light hearted right now, it won't be lighthearted forever. This story will be mostly horror as it progresses. And there will be VIOLENCE. Not 'oh god I've been stabbed violence', but 'oh I've got to dig into a strangers random rotting corpse and sift through maggots and cold sticky meat to find the key' violence. Please keep this in mind. I've made major changes.  
> Sorry for the delay  
> please enjoy.

The bright spring sun lazily warmed Sakuras back as she collected herbs in the fields. About six months ago Tsunade had sent her into the mountains to study under the sacred herbalist Yukiyo, just as _she_  had as a child. Yukiyo was... interesting to say the least. She didn't talk often, but when she did it was usually to poke fun at Sakuras' chest size and 'unsavory' hair color.

The only reason Sakura was in the sweet smelling field in the first place, was because the old woman had aggressively insisted that there was an herb to help ' _soften the womanly figure_ ' down in the fields. Then she'd roughly picked her up and _tossed_  her off the side of the mountain into the fields below, flinging down a basket in her wake that narrowly missed her face.

Sakura sighed deeply. In the few months that she'd been here she'd done _very_  little healing.

Or _learning_  for that matter. All the old lady was really concerned about was maintaining her spotless cottage, and keeping debris off the field.

On the bright side the field was _beautiful._  More beautiful than most of the things she'd ever seen in her life, being filled with rare vibrant colors and exotic smells. Even if she were to stay here her whole life she'd never learn what they all were, the field was just  _endless_. The mystery was intoxicating and she reveled in it.

Sakura stood and stretched deeply, enjoying  the warm weather, pink shirt flapping gently in the breeze. Shielding her eyes from the sun, she smiled up at the cloudless sky. When she looked up into the endless blue abyss she felt truly at peace.

Then she frowned.

Yukiyo was perched on top of the ledge pointing down at Sakura, then cupping her breasts in one extremely obvious and unecessary motion. Then the old woman pulled down her lower lid and stuck her tongue out at her.

"Cha!" She growled under her breath, clutching a fist to her chest. If she didn't know any better, she'd think that Tsunade sent her here to  _babysit_ the woman. Or  _worse._

_Entertain her._

She lightly shuddered. Little did she know that this would be the least of her problems...


	2. Ch.2 Why?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aye aye captain, I see short chapters ahead on the horizon.  
> Revised 7/6/16  
> Dont own Naruto.

" _Don't_ argue girl. Take these herbs to the hot springs and soak for an hour. No _more_ , no _less_." Yukiyo waggled her fingers in Sakuras face, and thrust a small bundle into her hands. "And don't come back until your done. NO EXCUSES!"

Sakura made a face and opened her mouth to argue, but thought better of it. Huffing indignantly she turned on her heel and stomped off to the hotsprings.

_Ugh._

Agitatedly stomping her way through pretty much everything in her path, she sighed. She knew what Yukiyo was  _trying_ to do. The only problem was that it  _wasn't working._ Throwing the loosely tied bundle into the **clearest**  spring she could find, she shuffled a bit clumsily out of her clothes. Something about _murky_  water of _any_  depth unsettled her. She didn't dwell on it though, this particular pool was so clear that she could see the occasional bubble slick up from the colorful, rocky bottom.

As she pulled down her hair she noticed that it was beginning to get long again. Maybe just a bit past her shoulders. Absently twisting the pink strands between her fingers she felt her thoughts turn in an uncomfortable direction, it was probably time to cut it again. But part of her really _didn't want_ to keep it up anymore. A rather big part at that. She wasn't likely to forget why she kept it short in the first place, not now. Not  _ever._

She'd already more than proved herself and passed everyone's (including her own) expectations. Long hair, short hair or bald shiny scalp would have zero effect on her physical prowess now. _Most_ ninja and civilians alike immediately recognized her pink hair and chipper demeanor, and _most_ ninja and civilians gave her a wide berth. Unless of course she was needed. Playing with fire was _one_  thing; rolling around in it _naked_  was another.

She hadn't stopped fighting for Sasuke either.

But he was back now, maybe not in body but in spirit. Still far away from konoha, walking his unknown path to redemption.  _So was there really any need to keep fighting?_

She stepped into the spring and inhaled the musty aroma of the steeping herbs, and blissfully lost her train of thought. Sinking in a little deeper she decided to keep her hair long.

If only for a _little_ while longer.

 

 


	3. Hotspring Misfortune

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should probably change this to mature...  
> Im pretty terrible at writing ... feelings. Sincerely. I feel feelings, I can inflict feelings I just cant write them down properly. Just know that I really, REALLY try.  
> Chapters will be longer from here on out.  
> Don't own naruto  
> REVISED 7/6/16  
> \-------------

" _Shit_!" She'd fallen asleep.

When she'd opened her eyes she saw a golden sky and knew that  _hours_ had passed. Sluggishly dunking her head into the water she moaned, wondering what horrors she'd inflicted on her body.  The  _last_ time she'd taken one of Yukiyos herbal..  _remedies ,_  her skin had turned _purple._

_Serves you right for blindly trusting that old witch._

Shaking slightly she shot up, grabbing the towel she had set aside. Pressing it to her chest she almost screamed, her body was on _fire_! It hurt  **everywhere** , burning searing horrifying all encompassing  _pain_. Her skin had turned a hideously painful looking _red_ color. A sickly shade that almost perfectly conveyed the pain she was in. 

Trembling now she bent over to grab her underwear, and found herself gasping for air when her muscles spasmed _hard_. A slow vice like grip was forming on them, like she was turning to stone. Her mouth fell open in horror as her skin started to _roll_  and make muted sloshing sounds. Somewhere in the back of her mind she thought it vaguely reminded her, rather _unpleasantly_  of boiling curry. Desperately biting back the nausea now dancing around in the back of her throat, she felt her towel slip from her burning hand .

" _Shit shit_   ** _shit_**."  Vision pulsing uncontrollably, she took an unsteady step forward and stumbled, biting her tongue. She felt hot tears pooling in her eyes, slightly blurring her vision as the taste of blood overwhelmed her. Curling a hand in the mud she felt her heart sink, something was  _wrong._

A surprised cough echoed out into the silence somewhere behind her.

Normally she'd just assume it was Yukiyo, since no one else was ever around- this time it was painfully obvious it wasn't. The cough belonged to someone with a deep.. _masculine_  voice. Sakura stood up painfully slow, and turned to face the stranger whose eyebrows had disappeared into his hairline. His mouth hung open, revealing very _very_ sharp teeth.

They continued to wordlessly stare at each other.

Her labored breathing and the sound of water slicking off her hair and hitting the ground broke the silence. The situation at hand was _beyond_  awful, she felt like she was dying. She knew for sure that she had some kind of _horrible_ fever. Even though she'd just slept the day away in the hotspring, she felt hot in a _different_ way, the _sick_ way that only a bad fever could make you feel.

"Whad.. do you... wan..?" She worked out, starting to slump forward slowly.

Silence.

The stranger stood up a little taller, his mouth setting into a hard line.

"Where's Yukiyo?"

"Yuki..yo?" If she had been capable of taking a defensive position she would have, as it were she could see the ground out of the corner of her eye getting closer and closer.

"The sacred herbalist. We have... business."

Sakuras breathing became louder and more drawn out. Business.. business.... _business?_   _Did_ Yukiyo have business? She dimly remembered her saying something about a meeting  _months_ ago, but just figured it fell through. It wasn't uncommon.

With her vision becoming more and more unsteady she decided take a risk and tell him Yukiyos whereabouts. Hopefully he'd mention her in passing.

Hopefully he'd get _help._.

 

"The... _ledge_." She croaked.

 

The world went dark.

 

* * *

 

 

Kisame stared in deep, _sincere_  confusion at the woman in front of him. He was drawn to what sounded like drowning, wondering if maybe it was the herbalist herself but was beyond surprised when this... _naked pink person_ shot out of the water like an angry water god. He'd been momentarily torn between asking for directions and walking away, when she  _bent over_  in front of him. Obviously it wasn't intentional, but it still left him in shock. The longer she stood there, bent over, the higher his eyebrows rose. He watched, still in shock as she lazily fumbled her clothes for what _felt_ like a  _long_  time.

  _Was she doing this on purpose?_

For some unforeseen reason he got a tickle in his throat. A very persistent one at that, and cleared his throat.

They both went still. She very, very slowly turned around and looked in his general direction. She looked... amongst many words dazed. The water dripping off her made her appear to glow in the dimming colors of the sunset. It was somehow unsettling _and_ beautiful. He couldn't tell if she were real or not. Maybe some kind of enemy genjutsu? Maybe one of the old hags  _tricks. He wouldn't put it past her._

The sound of her laboured breathing broke his train of thought.

After a very drawn out exchange, she dropped to the ground and began spitting up an  _endless_ amountof water that hissed the second it hit the ground. 

He was here for Itachi-

She began gurgling and convulsing violently, eyes rolling up in the back of her head

-but obviously this girl needed help. He wasn't necessarily one to help people, but he _knew_  that Yukiyo had a soft spot for those in need. And while Itachi was in need, he had the feeling that she may be more inclined to help if it were a cute, helpless girl.

He picked her up and immediately grit his teeth in pain, she was  _hot._ Hot enough to burn his skin.

_Just how hot do these damn springs get?_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think after the uchihas I'm torn between Kisame and Deidara being my next picks for sakura.  
> Thoughts? And don't worry Ill fix mistakes as I go.  
> Also there is no underage stuff. Sakura is an adult in this story, I figured I'd point that out now.


	4. The Unfortunate Stranger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning, I'm never going to fill these out. And if i do decide to, they will be as cryptic as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Revised 7/6/16  
> Edits are on my phone so misspelled words may be there.  
> Don't own naruto.

Yukiyo didn't usually fear strangers. Most of them tried to do silly things like fight her, not knowing that the only way to truly harm her was to destroy her fields.

 _Literally._ Her physical heart lie beating amongst the pink and yellow herbs.The _only_ way for  _anyone_ to have access to her fields, was for her to _physically_ _put them there_ with her hands. The chances of any dim fool hurting her were damn near impossible.

So when a rather _large_  sillouette became visible in the distance she looked on with patient, but mild surprise. People didn't _usually_  come across this place so easily.  When they happened to, it was either because they were _really_  lost, or were up to no good.

Since his gait was purposeful and confident,  she assumed he could only be up to no good. Her suspicions were quelled only moments later when he stepped into the light carrying an unconscious and _very_ naked Sakura. Heat was visibly _rolling off_ her body. 

Her heart skipped a beat and her skin grew cold with apprehension. Eyes narrowing slightly, she waited for the familiar face to come to a stop in front of her. She didn't know  _what_ to think. Or do. 

 "TAKE THE DAMN GIRL SHE'S BURNING MY ARMS OFF!" 

 Yukiyo blinked in surprise, then rushed over to Sakura in a vain attempt to grab her but the heat physically  _repelled_ her away. 

"Kami what did you  _do_ to her?" She asked feeling unrest bubble up in her guts. Not only would Tsunade _murder her_ if her favorite student died while off on what was supposed to be a relaxing mission, but Yukiyo herself would be pretty upset too. She had grown fond of the girl very quickly.

 "WHAT DID  ** _I_**  DO?  ** _WHAT DID I DO_** _??!!?!?!_ " He roared, eyes bugging dangerously out of his head. Veins began to pop from his face and neck as he struggled not to drop Sakura, or from the look on his face _throw_  her.

"Nevermind all that set her right here!" She yelled pointing at the stone step underneath an unlit torch. He set her down with surprising consideration, turned around and immediately started screaming curses into the night. 

 Ignoring him, Yukiyo noticed  bleakly that the stone around her young student was being _scorched._  The black ring was slowly growing bigger and bigger, the grass around the slab was already _wilting_. 

 "Shit. _Kisa_!" She barked interrupting the blue mans angry tirade, he threw her a murderous glare but said nothing. " _Stand here and **watch her!**_ "

 He stepped closer and continued to curse loudly, staring straight at his charring hands. A generous piece of his pinky crumbled into the wind.

 Yukiyo took off up the steps to her door,   _kicking_ it across the room. As the slightly bent door toppled to the floor she spotted what she needed, grabbed and  _ran._

Kisame appeared to have started foaming at the mouth, which honestly wasn't a good sign. She hoped for  _his_ sake that he could handle shock well.

Sakuras body, while in horrible shape could wait, it would be a little bit longer before any real damage would begin for her. For the unfortunate stranger it would only be minutes.

 "Hold out your arms!" She commanded, unwrapping a massive jar and sticking her entire hand inside, scooping out the yellow contents and glopping it onto his burnt flesh. 

 "Oh _fuck_!" He hissed. He was radiating relief in a way that was almost sexual. He eyeballed her as she looked over Sakura, slapping his own chest with bits of the poultice that had slid to the ground. He crashed his bum to the soft earth and folded his legs, watching with growing interest as she repeatedly crumbled a strange looking herb over the girl and rubbed it all over her body. Rather _thoroughly_ , he thought.

Soon the steam stopped rising from her body and the scorch mark stopped growing. When Yukiyo deemed her cool enough to move, she did. Carrying her easily into the cottage and setting her on a mat that had become Sakuras over the months. She tossed a thin blanket over her and rushed back out to the burnt blueberry who was still sitting on the ground, pitifully babying his burnt body parts.

She stared at him expectantly. When he said nothing she decided not to push it.

"Thank You for bringing me my student. What made you change your mind?"

 He looked at his arm, then her and smiled thinly.

"Itachi changed _his_  mind."

A beat. 

".. Where is he then?"

He blinked. "I didn't want to bring him until I was _sure._ "

Yukiyo scoffed, crossing her arms over chest. "Well  _that_ was ill conceived."

Kisame glowered at her, while her skin prickled with sickening apprehension. 

"You let it out,  _didn't you?"_ She whispered.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the funny reviews and pms. They make my day :)


	5. Vague Premonition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dream chapter.... I warned ya  
> Revised 7/6/16

Sakuras head was swirling _violently_ , body dripping with sweat. She had been running in the dark for what felt like an eternity, her lungs burned fron the strain. At some point her skin had melted off and was slopping after her at an alarming speed. Looking over her shoulder she saw her  _own face_ leering at her in a limp, sick way. Her new skin was erupting through the sinewy muscle, slinking its way across her body and _glowing_. The whole entire process was _mad,_  and had occurred multiple times throughout what she'd hoped was a nightmare and not some _twisted_  reality that she'd died and ascended to.

Looking ahead again she saw Sasuke and almost stopped dead in her tracks. He was standing with a hand out to her, not saying a word. He was breathtaking, life imitating _true_  art, but he was also incredibly hard to look at. She began to violently clutch at her chest, which was _worse?_ The monster behind her, or the monster  _ahead?_ A wave of feelings she'd been choosing to ignore for months crashed over her all at once, setting her off balance and sweeping her away. She was losing control, rapidly drowning in her denial. Head over heels,  clawing uselessly at it trying to find purchase and set herself right again. The pain was  _unbearable._

A hand reached out and roughly gripped her arm.

 

_'It's time to wake up Sakura.'_

 

She blinked once. Twice, and was blinded by the sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone else ever write a story and then laugh because you're stupid?  
> No? Just me?  
> Okay. Lol


	6. Understanding

Sitting against the cabin wall, Kisame stared at his charred arms with a look of vague dismay. For the first time ever, he was kind of relieved that he didn't have his sword samehada there to leech off his chakra. He got the distinct feeling that he might pass out.

"So it _happened_ did it? I can honestly say that I'm a little surprised." Yukiyo said, deciding now would be a good time for some tea. There wasn't much she could do for his arms until Sakura woke up, and she'd told him as much; many _many_ times. It was beginning to get old, but she couldn't blame him for his irritation. Although she wasn't quite sure she understood why exactly he decided to willingly inflict so much damage on himself just to ask for help. She may be hard to find ( and more or less unpleasant towards trouble makers), but if someone came along who truly needed help then who was she to deny them? "Maybe a little more surprised that you'd go to such lengths for help.."

He closed his eyes and allowed a self deprecating smile, for  _some_ reason he'd gotten into his head that powerful people weren't typically inclined to help unless they had some self serving reason.  _That_ had been a mistake. Although not a big one in the end, he'd helped her student who could make a huge difference in the situation.

"Are you  _positive_ there's nothing you can do about-" The old lady snapped her fingers aggressively across the room, effectively cutting him off. Grabbing the steaming cup off the stove she walked towards him, hands twitching as she fought the urge to the throw the hot tea in his face.

"If I have to tell you _again,_  I _will_  cut your arms  _and_ your tongue off. I may be a sacred herbalist but that's it. The only chakras I posses are natural ones, and they can only be used on the herbs. When it comes to healing from me at least, it's going to be the slow kind. But at least with the herbs it will be painless."

Kisame looked up pitifully at the old woman, who was offering a piping hot cup. He just stared at her as if it were some kind of joke. He held up his burnt arms in frustration.

"Oops. Didn't think that one through very well _did I_?" She said with a light chuckle, taking back the tea. 

He proceeded to look out the window above the sleeping girl. At some point during their drawn out conversation the sun had risen, and its soft rays touched the girls face. There was a chance he was running out of time, and at the moment he was relying on this girl to fully heal his arms. This _sleeping_ girl.

"Do I have your word that you'll take care of him if I bring him?" Kisame asked seriously.

The old woman sipped his tea thoughtfully, savoring the bitter taste.

"You have my word. I don't know how I could possibly turn you down when.. well that's not important."

They sat in silence a moment longer, then Yukiyo stood and walked over to the sleeping girl.

 

"Sakura it's time to wake up."

 

The girls eyes snapped open, and immediately shut tight.

" _Head shot_." She grumbled sitting up slowly, holding a hand to her blinded eyes. Somehow her hair seemed longer than it was before, he only noticed because it was covering her chest down to her navel (which was still bare). Yesterday he definitely remembered a _full_ frontal view. He watched her slightly blushing shoulders rise and fall slowly with each breath, the suns rays were peeking through the holes in her hunched over form.  She looked... well stunning to be honest.

"Sakura." Yukiyo prodded firmly from across the room, now pilfering through jars on neatly organised shelves. 

"I'm _blind_ Yukiyo." She grumbled back.

"Sakura-"

"BLIND." She protested, looking up sharply through squinted eyes. Which almost immediately landed on Kisame, who'd begun looking at her oddly.

"Who..?" She started, trailing off quickly as she realised she wasn't clothed. " _Dammit_ Yukiyo _where are my clothes_?!" She grabbed the thin white blanket that had been tossed over her earlier in the night and covered her chest with it, very aware that the sun illuminated her silhouette in a way that almost completely nullified her efforts.

Ignoring her, Yukiyo continued going through the jars, whispering nonsense as she went.

"Sakura, I need you to promise me something." 

Perplexed she turned her head enough to look at the old woman. "What?"

"Sakura, you have the option of accepting this... mission if you will, or returning to Konoha."

"Mission?" Sakura asked, perking right up and turning fully to stare at the old womans back. "Of course I accept." 

Yukiyo turned, arms full of jars and looked Sakura in the eye.

"Child. What I'm about to ask you to do, I dont have the _right_  to ask. What goes on on this mountain will remain between everyone in this room and only one other. You can't ever say a word, not even to your shishou." She set the jars down on the little table and began arranging them neatly. "I need to make sure that this is _intrinsically_  clear."

 

Sakuras eyes widened as she took in the seriousness of the situation. Slowly looking from Yukiyo to the unnamed blue man she set her jaw and nodded once. 

"I understand."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My sister (and infrequent proofreader) tells me that my writing is as bland and emotionless as I am. Which made me laugh a whole lot harder than it probably should've. Like I've said before, I try to cram emotions in there. But if it's awkward to write then I probably won't, at least not yet any way. I posted this before midnight so technically I got another chapter out today. I kind of feel on a roll here so I'll put out a few more.  
> On that note anyone have any thoughts on racoons? One broke into our house last night and I've never been so scared in my life. They're nature's little thugs I swear.  
> REVISED 7 / 6 / 16


	7. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> REVISED 7/6/16

Sakura sat with her legs crossed under a  large, shady tree with Kisames' burnt arms in her hands. She clicked her tongue thoughtfully as she turned them over and over, examining the damage thoroughly. She grabbed a hair band that Yukiyo had come up with earlier and, ignoring the strong smell of the poultice retied her hair. It felt strange to have _long_  hair again. It was.. unexpectedly heavy, in more ways than one. When she'd thought about growing it out, she never intended for it to get _this_ long. She just wasn't ready. 

 Her sharp green eyes studied the face of the man whose name she'd learned was kisame, and was a little surprised to see an equally curious look on his sharp features.

He wriggled eyebrows, she rolled her eyes.

_Charming._

"Hold still." She said flatly, laying his arms across her lap and gently prodding the curve of his left arm with both hands. She deftly poured chakra from her fingertips into his burnt flesh letting it settle deep in his muscles, feeling its way to the bone and back up again. Gently healing everything it touched, she watched with satisfaction as the pale blue pigment returned to his freshly healed skin. Slowly sliding her hands down both arms she noticed goosebumps forming across the healed flesh. Finishing up fingertip to fingertip she sighed, content that it hadn't taken as long she expected. "What?" 

Kisame had been staring at her in what was close to awe, head cocked slightly to one side.

"Thanks pinkie." He purred, slowly withdrawing his fingers. One meaningful look later, he stood up and stretched with a strange expression on his face.

Sakura crossed her arms and watched thoughtfully while he walked over to Yukiyo, who was standing at the foot of the stone steps. There were about 30 of them, starting down at the base of the ledge, working their way up to the door and they were huge.

 _Odd._ The one that Yukiyo was currently standing on had a huge _burn_  mark on it. _Did she start a fire last night? Why wouldn't she start it in the fire pit? Kami knows she crazy about her grass.._   A foreboding chill crept up her spine.

The old woman hadn't bothered telling her what the negative repercussions of bathing too long in the herbs was, but she had a feeling that it wouldn't be _good_. Setting her chin on her crossed arms, she listened to their distant murmurs of conversation. They were slowly being carried over and distorted by a gentle breeze.

Kisame turned and left.

A few wisps of pink hair came loose and tickled her face, she closed her eyes.

They promptly snapped back open when the shrill call of a hawk came from somewhere above. She squinted up into the sky searching for the bird, one she recognised too easily. One she could probably recognize _blind._  Sasuke had occasionally sent her messages over the years, very _brief_ ones from the few she chose to read. And she _regularly_  chose to ignore them, something about them hurt  _and_ made her hopeful. The easiest way to deal with the feeling was to ignore it, although every now and then she'd slip up and peek inside.

The hawk swooped in and landed on her outstretched finger, looking a little surprised if that were possible for a bird. Probably because she'd usually run and hide or shoo it away with a branch or a pillow. One time a shoe. She had nothing against the bird _personally,_  except that it delivered.. mixed feelings to her. It cocked its head from side to side and stared evenly into her eyes, pupils dilating a little creepily. It stuck out its little birdie foot and hopped, one legged up her arm. It was a little funny.

She snatched the note a little hesitantly, her name was written neatly above the seal. The bird scooted up her shoulder and peeked at the note with.. unnatural interest. It occurred to her that this animal probably knew just as much about Sasuke's inner thinking as she did. Which wasn't a whole lot.

Yukiyos' face suddenly came into view.

"Sakura. After he comes back with... our patient I'll be moving the mountain, and hiding it within a strong natural jutsu, I could use your chakra for preparation. If you have things you need to settle, you need to do them now." She nodded at the note, and the hawk passively. 

Sakura swallowed dryly, and looked from the old woman to the bird, and finally the note. Sighing a bit uneasily she opened it carefully.

Her heart dropped into her stomach and flip flopped.

 

_'I'm coming home.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a vision! And a plot! Filled with grammatical errors and subpar emotional writing! Mwahaha. I'm not sure how I should describe things. Should it hurt to stub a toe, or be a hellish blinding stab of white hot pain? There's a naughty naughty no no scene coming up ... Soon? Eventually. Writing like that makes me somewhat squirmish. I wish I could be a fantastic underpaid romance novelist, but I'm sooo not. I write about writhing bodies and all I can picture in my head is snakes or worms. Maggots? ughhh. I even tried to act things out with my fiance but got embarrassed when he dead panned and asked me what I was doing. I didn't even have an answer I just went and hid in the shower and tried to drown in my embarrassment. Which is hard to do in a shower. Ill try a bath next time.  
> A girl can try. Let me know what you think in the comments below please. Or don't. I enjoy pretend mind reading.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. To say that promises were made to broken is an understatement. I could give excuses... OR I could continue on with the story. I will continue on.  
> REVISED 7/6/16

Kisame stood at the foot of the shallow cave staring at the unconscious man on the floor. He hadn't moved an inch since he left, but he could see faint breathing and knew he was still alive. If only barely. The blue man reached for his sword which had been leaning on the craggy wall in the back, and sighed happily when it sat firm in his hand.  _Together again baby._

Leaning over slightly he roughly threw the man on his shoulder and went back on his way. Hopefully they would be able to help.

Especially since the old woman was the cause for all of it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo.. its not a real chapter which is why it will remain unnamed. I just wanted to get something out before I got distracted again. There will be two more chapters tonight since I've already typed them out, I'm just trying to edit them a bit. Sorry for the poos.


	9. Uncertainty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke and stuff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm warning you. My computer shut down for the last time, never to return to life again. Taking three chapters with it. It felt like hard punch to the tit. So now I'm trying to rewrite on my fiances kindle... kindles weren't meant for writing. So if it comes out horribly, horribly, horrible. I'm so, so sorry.  
> REVISED 7/6/16

Sasuke stared from the gates of the village to the sky in mild surprise. His hawk had returned rather quickly, and it appeared to have a note tied to its ankle. He was pretty certain that it wasn't the note he'd written since it was rolled up and tied with... pink hair? _Weird_.

Sakura hadn't replied to a single note that he'd sent, as a matter of fact he was certain she hadn't even  _read_ the majority of them. And he didn't write often. Every time his hawk came back with an unopened note he felt a small pang of rejection, but pushed it away. He could understand. If she ever decided to _open_  herself to him again.... He didn't know. But he could _understand_  her shutting him out. It was something he chose to live with when he made his choice years ago. 

He held his arm out, not quite sure what to expect. Undoing the pink strands. Staring blankly at the note in his hands. Tapping the hawk in thank you.

Did he _really_  want to know what the note said? 

Of ******course** he did.

Was he ready for rejection?

 

 

...Of course he was.

Unraveling the note he read, momentarily perplexed.

_`Speak to Tsunade or Kakashi`_

The sound of energetic footsteps coming his way distracted him from the paper in his hands.

Sasuke closed his fist around the note as Naruto ran up to him, discreetly putting it away in his pocket. 

 Naruto looked at him with knowing eyes and held out his fist, a small smile creeping onto his face.

Sasuke smirked and bumped the back of his fist with Narutos.

"It's good to see you back Sasuke." ~~~~ ~~~~

"Hn." He hummed thoughtfully, the note quickly fading from his mind.

"You got a minute?" Naruto asked mischeviously, darting off before he could respond.

Sasuke lightly raised an eyebrow, and grinned (or as close to a grin as you could call a damn near straight line). Hesitating once before taking off after Naruto, he decided he'd get back to the note later.

But didn't notice it slip from his pocket and get blown away by the sheer force of his take off. He also hadn't noticed the smaller words scrawled on the back. 

 

` _Welcome home_

_Sasuke kun`_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure there's poops all over the place, when my new laptop makes its way through the mail I'll revise everything. Until then, bare with me.  
> *I just edited that and am embarrassed. Deeply embarrassed.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blame reality TV and my lack of will power for the long pause. I love watching ridiculously dramatic people do ridiculously dramatic things. So sue me. (please dont I'm poor.)  
> Anywho my shows are over and I'm back on track. thanks for being patient with me. :)

Sakura sat atop the cottage with a perplexed expression on her face. She completely understood that Kisame was supposed to be bringing someone for them to heal. Completely.

What she didn't understand, was why the someone was _Itachi_ , or why he was poorly covered by a long black cloak- and _clearly_ butt naked.

_I wonder what kind of perverted things Kisames been doing?_

She didn't think she'd ever seen such a pasty behind before.  And she'd had the strange misfortune of seeing both Sasuke _and_ Sais' bleach white bubble butts.  _Don't want to think about **that.**_

She watched curiously as Kisame and Yukiyo heatedly debated something, gesturing wildly and probably talking loudly. She couldn't really tell, they were just too far away.

Or so she _thought_. Kisame threw up his arms in defeat, unceremoniously  dropping Itachi. . . and exposing more than a pasty butt. 

" _ **Fine** you old hag!_" He boomed, then dramatically stormed off. 

' _What the hell ?'_

* * *

 

" _Hmph!_ " Yukiyo grunted. There _really_ wasn't any need for him to be so sensitive, _or_ dramatic. Did men _always_  have to complain when given simple tasks? You'd think she'd just demanded he sacrifice his first born by way of  _volcano._

Hands on her hips she turned to see Sakura staring at her wide eyed on top of the cottage. 

 

A _long_  silence ensued.

 

" _WELL?_ WHAT ARE YOU _WAITING_ FOR TINY TITS? YOU WOULDN'T LET AN **_OLD_** WOMAN THROW OUT HER BACK, _WOULD YOU_?"

Sakuras eyes narrowed to slits and she could almost hear her teeth grinding as she stood up. A moment later she was by her side, considering how she was going to pick up Itachi. 

"Well.. I'll leave you to it." Yukiyo hummed, as she turned on her heel.

" _Wait,_ where are _you_  going?" Sakura asked, gently putting her hand on the old womans shoulder.

"There's something I need to.. _attend_  to. I'll only be gone for a little while. In the meantime I need you to do a standard physical.. Maybe put some pants on him.. your call." She said shrugging off her hand.

"But-"

"Thanks dear!" She interrupted, taking off as fast as possible.

Something had been bothering her since Kisame brought Sakura back the other night. Trees whizzed by as she darted to the hotsprings, a _bad_  feeling rolling in her gut as she saw Kisame up ahead.  She watched as he nodded to her then took off. Quickening her pace to speeds she had not reached in years, she wondered how far the hot springs were. They'd _never_  felt so far away before. 

Only a few moments later she was almost tripping over her own feet trying to stop. 

" _Shit shit shit shit **SHIT**_!" She uneasily ran her hands through her white fluffy hair, while Kisame stood silently beside her.

"So  _what_ exactly did you give the girl again?" He asked seriously.

She set her mouth into a firm line, and stared hard at the devastation in front of her. 

"I gave her herbs to relieve stress. The girl needs to lighten up. Relax a little" Picking a piece of writhing ash and smudging it between her fingers, she felt her heart drop."You _know_  this wasn't from my herbs. There's only _one thing_ that could do this."

Kisames eyes grew wide."You don't mean-"  She cut him off with a raised hand. 

"I do. It looks like we have a bigger problem than Itachi on our hands." 

They both moved back as the red pool gurgled and hissed, feeling the heat from several meters away. In the very center sat a large black void, things darker than absolute dark moved below. Twisting and turning sickly, potentially staring back at them. They could smell crackling ozone,  _feel_ it settle thickly around them.

" _Fuck._ " They cursed in unison.

 


	11. Oh no a moose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where things and stuff happen.  
> I've made the executive decision to name the chapters as randomly as metal core bands name themselves. So look forward to that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry but the sass is strong today.  
> REVISED 6/7/16

Sakura squinted her eyes, then opened them really wide. Then repeated the process again. And again and _again_.

Is it wrong to ogle a naked sleeping man's fiddly bits? Yes probably, _that_ was a dumb question. Was that going to _stop_  her? _Absolutely_  not.

She'd already taken a mental note of every scar on his pale body. Ran her healing hands across every crack and crevice of his unconscious form. (Butt crack included. .  . One can never be _too_  thorough.)

She discovered that Sasukes older brother, was the kind of patient that she'd actively haveto try  _not_ to strangle. She'd seen many ninja in poor health, but this had to take the cake. Lungs half filled with blood, improperly healed bones, bruised ribs, fractures all over his spine, deep neve damazing scars. It was a nightmare. Sighing and cradling her face in her hands, she wanted to weep in frustration.

It was so _big!_ How could some one who was this.. unaturally  _large_ not choose to keep himself in top physical condition? So many thoughts were dancing through her mind, _how_  did he get to be in such bad health? How was he even _alive_  right now? Didn't Sasuke _kill_ him?

Speaking of Sasuke, she began to wonder idly just how _similar_  the brothers were. It was _just so_ -

"A _hem_." A deep cough broke her fanciful train of thought. 

"You have a wart on your penis." She blurted, lying through her teeth to justify the perversion.

He didn't even hesitate. "No I dont."

"Yes you do." 

Slightly quirking a brow, he blinked at her.

" _Fine_. You don't. But you _do_  have a series of badly healed bones, the onset of infection in your lungs, _severe_ nerve damage and afew mystery diseases."  She stated with her arms crossed.  _Good save._

He sat up, gingerly  touching fingertips to his forehead. 

Saura closed the distacne between them as though she _hadn't_ been peeping a momen ago. She grabbed a blanket from one of many shelves that lined the cottage walls. Running her hands across some of the neatly labeled jars, she grabbed afew that looked.. _promising_. She plopped down loudly at a little work bench, grabbed a bowl and began filling it with herbs.

* * *

 

He hadn't stopped rubbing his head by the time she was done mashing up the herbs, and she was beginning to get a ltitle worried. _Where is Yukiyo?_  She stood up and filled a kettle with water, wondering what exactly she was supposed to do _now_.

When Kisame left, Yukiyo had made it _explicitly_  clear that Sakura couldn't do anything other than light healing and herbal teas without her direct approval. Well, she'd already done both of those things and, to be frank was at a loss. 

She could feel his eyes burning into her side while she stoked the fire back to life. 

"Yes?" She asked quietly. 

"Where are my clothes?"

Sakura blinked.  _Damn._

She threw the blanket in his general direction and went off to arrange two cups on the table."Beats me. You were brought here ass over ankles in a cloak."

He looked at her expectantly. 

"And _nothing_ else." She sat back down and started scooping the crushed herbs into the cups. 

Silence. 

"I'd offer you pants but all I have is shorts. How are you still alive?" She clanked the spoon on the table, hairs standing up everywhere on her body. Scratch that, she could feel them raising on her eyeballs too. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, I'm a tiny bit on a roll here. Sakura probably seems out of character compared to the rest of the story, and I'm sorry for that. I've been writing in greyscale and it's time to attampt technicolor. Maybe one day I can write in HD or blue ray. That'd be so cool.  
> Thanks for reading :) Don't own naruto.


	12. Deer poops

Sakura felt fear digging its claws into every pore on its mad ascent up her body. An ominous silhouette had been standing directly behind Itachi, but only for a moment. In the blink of an eye, it was gone. She sat there frozen, willing her heart to slow down in the silence.

She could feel massive, cold fingers trailing up her spine.

* * *

 

Itachi curiously continued to watch her, getting the distinct feeling that a lecture was coming his way. Something he was sure would only exacerbate the dull ache behind his eyes. When she froze instead, he immediately became suspicious- every sense on high alert. He could smell her potent fear from across the room as she wet herself, and he immediately began trying to pinpoint the source of her intense reaction. It couldn't be him, not only had she  _thoroughly_ inspected his body, she also must've noticed the lack of killing intent. He felt so weak that sitting up alone was taking a considerable deal of effort, so then what-

Wet choking sounds interrupted his train of thought, he zeroed in on her foaming mouth. Her skin was rolling and turning a sick red, body convulsing, veins popping up under her skin. If he didn't know any better he'd say she was violently being choked. 

He flash stepped to her side and calmly lifted her head, in one deft motion he jammed his fingers down her throat and spread them apart, allowing her to breathe. She immediately started coughing and gasping for air, sitting up and pushing it away. 

" _What the hell was that?"_  She sputtered, covering her throat with her hands.

He scanned the room carefully but knew before he even moved that there was nothing there, except for him and her.

He  looked at her carefully while she slowly gained her composure.

* * *

 

 The..  _thing_ disappeared as soon as Itachi had touched her, melting away into nothing as he dug his fingers into her mouth. She was sure he probably thought he was helping but all he did was bruise the inside of her throat, a particularly unpleasant place to heal. She choked on his fingers on the first attempt at breathing and roughly pushed him away, spitting up a bit of blood onto the floor. She said the first thing that came to mind and immediately put her hands to her throat in an attempt to heal the delicate area. 

 _Those hands. Those impossibly large hands. What on earth could have hands that **big**? _ _And what about what it had said? What_ had _it_ _said?_   She shuddered and became aware of two things at once. 

"What the-?" She sniffed the air and could clearly smell urine. She didn't remember doing  _that_... but she was looking directly at her shorts and knew she did. 

 _Oh Kami._  She glanced over at Itachi, then back at her wet shorts.  _Oh kami. Oh kami. OH HELL._

"Are you  _still_ naked?"

 

* * *

 

He blinked. 

" _That's_ what you're worried about?" He asked impassively. He was beginning to think that this perv had had a stroke, and maybe also lost her mind. When she refused to look at him he grew a little irritated.

"Hn."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured deer poops was an appropriate chapter name since this chapter was small and choppy. A cluster fuck if you will. Nothing intentionally sexual coming up in the next two chapters (at least not for sakura). I clearly had trouble writing this chapter , its formatted strangely because its honestly not the most important chapter but the events within were. I've been spending the last two weeks writing out a really long chapter (long for me) and am going through the process of editing it. Side note: if you have an infant under one and you're not mentally prepared to smell the farts of satan or change diapers of death then DO NOT FEED THEM CHEERIOS OH MY GOD. from one parent to another. Writing chapters in rotten egg death gas is the absolute freakin worst.


	13. And then some

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own naruto. just thought id throw that out there.. although i feel that should be obvious  
> DEEPLY REVISED 10/10/16

 

"Well you look ridiculous." Sakura affirmed quietly.

 Itachi remained impassive, but did in fact look ridiculous. Sakura had to give him some of her clothes, and after quick consideration Itachi had decided that he'd only needed the steel grey leggings. Needless to say they were very tight and very .. Distracting. Sakura leaned against the outside wall of the cabin while Itachi tightened his shoes, and hummed thoughtfully to herself. After explaining the events that had occurred moments ago inside they both agreed the best option would be to leave and search for Yukiyo. After she healed him a bit though.

Picking a direction Sakura lightly grabbed Itachis arm and threw it over her shoulder, wrapping her arm around his waist and squatted down. He gave her a curious look while she wiggled into position and was completely surprised when they were tearing through the air a moment later. A thunderous rumbling was left in their wake and Sakura seemed unbothered, she was much more focused on the landing. She knew there was a clearing in the general direction that she'd jumped, and sighed in relief when she only had to reposition herself a little. Jumping was one thing; landing was always significantly, and a tad bit surprisingly _more_ difficult. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed something dark in the distance and shuddered internally

 She landed a bit roughly but her cargo seemed unfazed.

 

A slight disturbance in the atmosphere reminded her of something...

________________________________________________________

 Sasuke felt a chill run down his spine. If he were the superstitious type he'd say that someone was thinking about him.

But he wasn’t.

So he stood up and closed Naruto's window. He could _feel_ the house was empty, which meant Naruto had a last minute mission or was having another late night rendezvous with Hinata. He sat back down on the spare roll and looked out the window at the night sky, tapping a finger gently against his knee. He kept dreaming .. of her. Naruto did a pretty good job at distracting him, but he didn't necessarily want to be distracted anymore. It had been too long. Too long without a response. He never thought he'd make it past killing Itachi and after that he wasn't too sure how many days he'd had left. When everything happened the way it had, and the dust finally settled he'd been.. at a loss. What now? It was a question that had been bothering him for years.

 When they initially returned to the village he really began to notice the people around him, how much they'd all changed. Even Naruto had a different.. presence about him. It was surreal. Kakashi seemed to age quickly with his new duties as hokage and Sakura... 

Sakura had become incredibly hard to reach. If she wasn't at the hospital, she was on a mission, or helping other villages do damage control. On one of the few occasions he'd been able to have a moment alone with her she'd seemed, far away. Distant. Her eyes never quite met his, and her smile never quite reached her eyes. He remembered asking her something and watching the way her mouth slowly parted as she mulled over the answer. He noticed then, really noticed her. How much she'd changed. She didn't get flustered when he spoke to her, she seemed to exude confidence in everything she did, and she definitely seemed to be more thoughtful. Something inside him reacted, fluttering nervously against his organs making his whole being vibrate. He'd stopped breathing and she'd begun to notice. Slow realization crossed her face and it made him flustered.

He'd never gotten an answer to his question, as some random messenger nin appeared beside her and urgently insisted she'd been needed at the hospital. She left without looking back, and a few weeks later, so had he.

 

He flopped back onto his pillow and stared at the shadows on the walls. Figures that when he finally decided to come back, she'd be gone. He closed his eyes and sighed, allowing himself to fall asleep with her on his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a beta now! Woo! I'm going to apologize to them though because writing smutty chapters hurts my brain. tickles my anxiety bone. I'm trying though. Next chapter will be smut. So to you who actually read this and my beta... GET READYYYY. Let me know what you think. Your input makes a difference and is wayyy motivating, i'm pretty surprised at how much positive feedback I've been getting back, in my mind you guys would boo me and tell me i suck and should cut my fingers off or something. NEVER WRITE IN THIS TOWN AGAIN NYERR!! i don't know. See ya soon :)


	14. Sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Abandoned. Skip to number 9 if you want to use this story as a prompt :) I ain't gon stop ya

Alright. This is one of those few times that I'm happy my writing isn't that great otherwise I'd be disappointing a lot of peeps.

 

I cant finish this. It was originally a pervy dream wherein Itachi stumbles across a bathing Sakura who bends over unassuming in his wake. It was just going to be smut tbh.

 

But I learned the hard way that writing smut, is 100% NOT my thing and that if you ever see me write it, then just know that I tried really hard and was probably pale faced while writing it. 

 

On that same token I HATE it when fanfics go to die with no words from the author on the matter, so I'm going to tell what I was going to have happen.

(also I'm aware that one of the chapters code is showing, im working on that)

* * *

 

 

1. **The itasaku themes.**

\-  I was going to go back and tone them down a lot, make them more subtle. 

-A lot more subtle. **Why?** You ask...

 

2\. **The SasuSaku themes**

\- I was planning on bringing that around full force and shoving the discomfort of Sakura and the earnestness of Sasuke in your face. So much so that maybe you'd start to ship it a bit if you already don't.

-Then I was going to kill off the sas with the giant monster. Slice his head right off in front of Sakura AND Itachi. 

-Cue mental break down of two characters

 

3. **Yukiyo**

- **Mysterious old fart right?** NO? Yeah I don't write mystery very well. BUT Yukiyo IS harboring some secrets. Like...

-Background .Yukiyo was actually 'blessed' with the garden when she was very young by a powerful man. Who? I don't know, I really didn't get that far. But it was along the lines of him saving her and stealing her heart to put in the dimension of the herbal garden. **How would that work?** I mean really? How much logic is there _really_ in the narutoverse?

-She can throw people through dimensions and that's the only power she has.

-Her deal with Kisame. **What was it? How is Kisame even alive?** Well..

   -The deal was to bring him and Itachi back through the use of the strong _divine_ herbs

   -Her herb garden is interdimensional (and the herbs themselves are divine. _Literally_ ), so she has powers somewhat similar to strong Uchiha. And she knows it.

   -In order to not be bound to her powers anymore she was going to revive Itachi and have him take over the garden.

    _-_ **Why Kisame?** Why tf not? Why so many questions?

    

4. **Sakura**

 _-_ **Whats up with her hair?** Divine herbs, Yukiyo teased her about her chest but the reality is that she's just a VERY old fashioned lady and felt that sakura's short hair was just not the business, and pretended to be confused when she came back still flat chested. She was genuinely confused about her body having the equivalent of lava skin.

 _-_ **Whats up with her body?** Sakuras body became a portal for the mysterious beast, _unintentionally_ through Yukiyos meddling with her hair. 

 _-_ **Why did her body get so hot that kisame's _fishy skin peeled off?_** I imagine that having your body become a portal would generate some serious heat. Serious. Heat

 **-Did she even really have an important role in this story?** Actually yes. Someone needs to kill the monster.. and Yukiyo ..and Itachi.

 

5\. **But I thought this was Itasaku?**

-It is. Itachi had to die because with him and Yukiyo alive the dimension with the herb garden would never close.

 

6. **How did Sasuke even find the mountain, Wasnt it shrouded in genjutsu?**

-How often does sasuke let genjutsu slow him down?

 

7\. **The mysterious Monster..**

- **What was it?** Plot device? The man who 'blessed' Yukiyo? I pulled him out of my ass? the world may never know.

 

8. **You didn't answer all of my questions.**.

-Ask away below and I will add them to this page.

 

9. **What do I do now?**

**If you would like to take this story and mold it in a way that appeals to you and post it on here or ff then please do!**

**I wont hold it against you, in fact when you've finished put the link in a comment so i can go check it out.**

 

Thanks for your patience people :)

  **10\. BUT WHAT ABOUT KISAME? SHOULDN'T HE DIE TOO?** Listen here heathens, leave my poor kisame alone. I was going to let him slip through the end. Maybe even leave it as a kisasaku if she wasn't too scarred by the end of it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay! For those who read this the first time. Thankyou. Real mvps.  
> Im currently revising all my chapters so please let me know how I'm doing. I really appreciate all the help and positivity.


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